On My Own

2007-09-18T10:32:00.000+08:00

And soon,
we'll rectify stories
that will accord us with something,
somethings we just can't deliberate
till we break down,
and let that inner/outer coherence
kill us.

SORRY abby, i know you sooo called me pass midnight, i was dead asleep. sorry a millions. i was having this worst headache of the year.

qoutes from that lovely songs (Step back),

The blades and the pills
They seize to ease my pain
So i just want to, fly away
Fly to heaven
Where angels stay

No one will mourn my living
And no one will really care

- out of topic

ohh so true isn't it

Its more like the sex and cigs seizes to ease my pain,
i rather be in hell.

well the chorus came at last, and this was how it went.

-Cont quotes from Step Back,

Would you turn from the edge
And take my hand
There's so much more to life
I want to show you
Please dont let death take us apart
There must be a way to mend your heart

Would you take a step back
Step all the way back
Till you reach my arms
Let me embrace you
We'll work things out
And take one pain at a time
Just know you have a friend right behind

=D

i've got thing feeling, this song saved my life. I hope it doesnt that reverting effect on you too BACKSLIDERS! WOOHOO!

<3

2007-09-04T11:44:00.000+08:00

Been a long while since i last blogged =D,

This time i am truly in love,
she brings the evergreen smiles,
she is unbelievable,
she is better than watching porn.

Her name is Hayley <3 (go figure it out) haha. =DD

Abby little sis, GOOD LUCK YOUR EXAMS, dont stress so much yeah. =DD you'll do just fine alrights. <3

And to all that give a shit, i have been aaaokay and thailand was good. Hope you all like what you got =D

Call me and i'll be your accompany anytime. <3

what about you?

2007-07-17T23:16:00.000+08:00

THE ESSENCE of the question - how are you?

it revolves around the crew like an weekly affair, how it sounds towards concerns or maybe - just a regular question embarking to the expecting answer of "yeah alright, what about you?"

I guess among every clique it takes place. In every clique there are conflicts. Like in the book, The Five People We meet In Heaven, it quotes ' Strangers Are FAMILY that you have yet to come to know'. Wow, how the author has actually look at this simple word and take it to just another level. But isn't that what we live for as well? To get to know more people each day is like a flowing issue everyone has.

On another note, i went to MASS service last sunday, wow. I would say thats one of the rare times i actually stepped into a church in a long while, moreover even listening attentively sometimes is really a miracle like WOW! I am feeling blessing recharged. HAHA.

NS liability is a fucking whore. Though not physically strainous these days, however it has shifted to becoming so much mentally. I'm glad to declare i am sick and i've got MC for today and tommorow. I need to rest. The relax smiling me is just a nice cover on the dumb book, while on the real note, i am mentally strained from the work i am receiving.

Not that no one asks, everyone do but why proclaim it.

This week will be worst, luckily on a note that the fat guy is back to work after 1 week on MC due to BACKPAIN. I mean how the fuck do you get that? You aint fucking pregnant or anything or maybe you are just generically Y. HAHA. And jeremy's on 1 week overseas over at australia. WOW covering his JOB IS NOT FUNNY balls. ITS A ALOT including MY OWN and moreover learning the FAT GUY's JOB AS well. Thats like IAN plus fat guy plus jeremy. That 1 brain for 3 jobs.THAT bitch fucking better promote me at the end of the year BALLS. I work my arse off for it. i DESERVE IT.

wow. overall, tmr i am going to work as well to do my poster for an event.

for now another song for you people with <3s,

Home
by Daughtry
album: Daughtry (2006)

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

2007-06-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

hey mother fuckers, a song for you to quench your utmost disgusting need of music.

SAOSIN - I Can Tell There Was An Accident Here Earlier

Betray
The Avalon is always beside me
And I'm following it home
Where is my home
Orion glows
And his eyes open up
I once believed that I would set you in line

If only I had the strength you'd be completely accepting something else

If you keep asking me I'll melt away in the summer air
It won't hurt half as much and I'll beg for you to stop it now
If you keep asking me I'll melt away in the summer air
It won't hurt half as much and I'll beg for you just tell me something

The fluid through the alpha waves and power cables everywhere
Exercising self-control
The child calls
And he lies open
I would believe if only I'd been thinking at all

If only I had the strength you'd be completely accepting something else

If you keep asking me I'll melt away in the summer air
It won't hurt half as much and I'll beg for you to stop it now
If you keep asking me I'll melt away in the summer air
It won't hurt half as much and I'll beg for you just tell me something

If you keep asking me (keep asking me) keep asking me

If only I had the strength you'd be completely accepting something else

If you keep asking me I'll melt away in the summer air
It won't hurt half as much and I'll beg for you to stop it now
If you keep asking me I'll melt away in the summer air
It won't hurt half as much and I'll beg for you just tell me something

You swore
Out like my life
You cried
So I'm engaged to smile

THRICE - DEADBOLT

When deadbolts awake you from deja vu dreams,
At 4 in the morning you know where I'll be
Out running red lights asleep at the wheel
The sirens feed my nightmares.
I just close my eyes and I’m already there;
Its already too late.
I know its nothing but lies,
But they sound so sincere;
I find them too hard to hate.

And she calls from the doorway "stolen water is sweet,
So lets drink it in the darkness if you know what I mean"
And she calls from the doorway "stolen water is sweet,
So lets drink it in the darkness if you know what I mean"

And I’m almost sure
That I've been here before,
That this is not the first time I’ve stood in front of this door,
With an overwhelming feeling that I shouldn’t go in,
But it seems this is a battle that I never could win.

Right now!
My true love!
You call from the hilltop.
You call through the streets,
"Darling don’t you know,
The water is poison."
And I say!
"Come on and give me my poison."

What have I done…?
Is it too late to save me from this place?
From the depths of the grave?
We all are those ..
Who thought we were brave…
What have I done…?

laters~

deadbolt

2007-06-21T23:18:00.000+08:00

Hey bitch, i aint your toygun,
i don't spray my anger,
you push too far,
i'll break you down.

Life's been tiring all together, work, the stress of work, family, the stress of family. How funny all of which turns to be vice versa. After all which i still have to face myself to more sparks of sarcasm from other people. WOW, how naturally my nick seems to be depress and you people can't see it.

If you do have myopia, please consult your nearest FUCKING optician idiot. Either that get your fucking body check on your 5 bloody senses which your kindergarten teacher laid those knowledge on.

Oh ya thanks ben for understanding. thanks for the note.

The everlasting draining speaker from the mouth of the devil in the house has been rather unbareable. The tendancy of pros and cons on sucidal and on culpable homicide amounting to murder draws near to the tiny veins on the main blood vessels that consolidate in my head. It will explode like peter will blow up in heroes soon. Just like that uncle who thought he was superman on the road soon i would be flying on the same draft line as well.

how ironic i looked and i laughed and now i am becoming one.
will you be the one to explain how anger/stress management is controlled?
but you are in a bigger dilemma.
i console to that defeat.
how am i see someone who similarise just like what i am.
the i talk all about my self you go fcuk off and die attitude.
how the tendacy of that someone asking if you're alright meant as precious as how many people commit in these dumb folly things.

hey 'family', you are bullshit yeah. you thank god in singapore you ain't allow to carry arms around. wow you should count that a blessing. oh ya count it, you are old, soon you will pop 6 feet under and i will help by saying bye. but so this brains thinks of more things to destroy. you just need some menopause pills bitch. get them watsons just down stairs. either that or you can go freeload from my mother who sells it anyway like what you always so.

and you dont shout like me like when i was 16. when i was stilla folly stupid son of a bitch who was worked as a maid at home. hey its different now, i will pop your bloddy god damn mother fucker ass into those bars asshole. now you are no more king. FOR I AM YOUR GOD BITCH. and you as well my favourite go find mother and get those pills for your period bastard.

oh ya on the lighter note, i am not so saddistic. RIGHT~

little girl

2007-06-19T22:36:00.000+08:00

to that special someone i got to know - abby.

In life, we face many problems of which some are big and some are small. We tend to weight them on their importantance. Rememeber problems are there to strengthen us in a way or another. So brace up and look upon each as a good lesson learnt. Everyone have their sort of problems to face in life.

If there are no problems in life and this world is carefree, wont it just make us more dumb, less experienced and all soooo boring. So cheer up, maybe it isnt the right time, the right place and the right person. You pretty girl dont look upon it as a loss but a gain to exposure. Sure it was hard but you'll pull through and you'll be greater than ever. SMILE MORE, and EAT MORE. I promise you i will treat you to BA CHOR MEE at thomson alright.

This song for you by 30 Secs to Mars - ATTACK!

I won't suffer,
be broken,
get tired,
or wasted,
surrender to nothing,
or give up.
What I started and stopped it from end to beginning.
A new day is coming,
and I am finally free.

Run away, run away,
I'll attack.
Run away, run away,
go chase yourself.
Run away, run away,
I'll attack, I'll attack, I'll attack.

I would of kept you forever,
but we had to sever.
It ended for both of us faster than a--
Kill off this thinking,
it's starting to sink in.
I'm losing control now,
and without you,
I can finally see.

Your promises,
they look like lies.
Your honesty,
like a back that has a knife.
I promise you,
I promise you..
I am finally free.

it ends tonight

2007-06-17T23:25:00.000+08:00

loving you was on my own accord. and it wasn't going to start. so here i am saying bye.

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all that wants
And all that needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
Your finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

[Chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when your blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know

2007-06-06T13:06:00.000+08:00

ian --

[noun]:

An Immortal

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

for you

2007-05-21T00:41:00.000+08:00

OK I UPDATE NOW.

for i have been rather lazy to do anything these days,
for tmr is the start of training as i have grow fatter,
for alf is back, gel and all are out of camp = ALL GOOD,
for your company is special but i dont wish to spoil anything,
for thanks joel for everything,
for i dreamt about you 3 times in week,
fori cant anything,
for i got scolded by alf to go for what i want,
for i really dont know what to do,
for i really hope you know how i feel,
for if i really do it its impossibe because of certain circumstances,
for i believe you are a beautiful life,
for thanking reuben for 30 secs to mars,
for sentdoux for your place to chill,
for NS for screwing up my life,
for i promise my myself that i will not any of my mother' money again,
for i hope she finds a job she enjoys working,
for i cant teach my sister english,
for thanking meihui with all her flabbergasting comments on me, dont worrys all is cool,
for i hope tears dont fall,

like they say i hope to write love on your arms.

enlistment

2007-04-10T20:19:00.000+08:00

i guess the smell of power has risen.

today was enlistment day, PNSD is in charge of all Police national service man. kind of cool when last time you were the one marching round calling every single one sirs and now you walk around, dont greet anyone and get greeted. hahaha. of course i was like no need call me sir la. come on they are just one intake away from me and most of them are like same age or older than me. to me it isn't very nice as well.

did the tattoo's check. alright i believe this year wont be good for me and next year as well. imagine facing 200+ asses and assholes. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. like come on i asked you to lift up your boxers to show me your thigh yet you strip. i mean wtf! use your common sense la.

great a real gay. he doesnt wanna strip and he is declared gay. worst he almost touched me. oh ya did i mention, he looks like aaron gomez btw.

well work seems all good. even the inspectors and regulars are fun people. workload coming in but nonetheless the best way to go pass time.

rain pours down and the wind blows by,
the song plays and words flow by,
thoughts are sweet but yet deceiving,
nonetheless thats all i can call you,
nothing but a dream.

you

2007-04-09T19:21:00.000+08:00

if only i could tell you how special you are in my eye.

thats why i have if only.

friday!

2007-04-04T20:26:00.000+08:00

why today is a friday?
because this friday is good friday and so its a public holiday no one works
tentatively thurs was suppose to be friday but on friday no one really works
so today is friday.

the day has dawn upon me

2007-04-03T20:40:00.000+08:00

SQUAD 64---> what you are about to see may cause serious attention. =D
its pop day finally!!!!!!!! check out what we did!!!!!!

in de wei's dad van, one of the very last rocky free rides to camp.

thats our bunk!! oh ya we hell smoke in camp duhhhhhhh!!!

2 more days, everyone getting into the laziness

GRAD dinnner. some good shit western. hahah.

check out the food looks good eh? wait till you taste it.

check out zheng ling, he makes the food look good shit. oh ya that's my mdm. ;)

thats supt bernie ho, some big shot.

best TRAINEE!!!! and that's our covering FI Amin. he calls me brownie. zzzz.

mdm's pet talkss

these i swear are the coolest milos in town

the last walk to the barracks from dinner

ladies check out shafik!!!! haha.

bunk34!!!!!!! and that's my gayfriend. i love him

the FI caught me tooking the god damn photo.

azlin my FI and he was screwed

duh Amin wasn't left out

squad photo and one with parade king sssgt firdous.

mdm mdm mdm.

POP!!!!!! mummy and papa came.

ladies martin from caracal just for your eye pleasure.

the us in camp

oh ya btw i am SC IAN TAN NOW.WHAHAHAH.

prepare

2007-04-03T00:02:00.000+08:00

today marks a different era in the life of ours PNS men. we turn to separate directions and we face the world.

PREPARE FOR GLORY!

2007-04-03T00:01:00.002+08:00

2007-04-03T00:01:00.001+08:00

pass out!

2007-03-25T16:48:00.000+08:00

time flies like ying says. so fast and i am about to embark onto a new career mode i guess after i pass out finally.

time flies and we have our 1st squad outing. 10 of us watching TMNT. the show was pretty good other than the rat's voice which was totally cheesy. hahah. i laugh everytime he speaked.

time flies and gel and the rest are going in, in about 3 weeks. and soon everyone will be botak other than sze and ben. how sad. lol.

times flies and knowing peg wasn't wrong either. small talks that made my day especially when i was in camp.

time flies and it has finally dawn onto this soul of mine that i am losing my teens this year.

times flies so fast that even though it doesnt change much after we blink our eyes but they changes phenomenally.

and i thank god for all the changes i have. though i still lavish the hope of living on my own with lots of cash. =D

Daytona

2007-03-18T13:52:00.000+08:00

this week's good i guess. friday was out with ben, imelda, dam and the gf. ya ask me again why i went down with 2 couples. obviously i tried not to but gel didnt pick up the phone and ben was complaining like a bitch that he was going out of town on sat. boring. i think i spend 10 bucks just playing daytona. what a bomb. zzzzzzzz.

yesterday was good though. met gel at his residence and we down to home club cause paul was spinning there and caracal was playing but when we were down. the gig was long over already though. met cc and brendon there. got free entry though cause elias and paul was spinning. went in for like 5 min. LOL! and we off to town to meet ash and majos went and daytona yet again. the DAYTONA frenzy. but however we are still guys. haha.

when i woke up these morning the booking in syndromes just didnt set upon that soul of mine. its like 4 months of these feelings has already set a permanent bond in the heart that it doesnt really matter if i was in or out.

feelings scattered and unchanged. just 2 more weeks till i pass out from that god damn place. awaiting a office job that will suit my mood and those slacking weekend with just anyone too.

life has changed its scope for me in these years. to think about the people who surround me, the activities that we do and the dress sense that came about all change in just there few years.

friends from just me ben and gel. it grew so much. then came in jareth, wong, glen, joe, gen,kiat, nat, rachel that co and came kent, joanna, brenda, james, jody, derrick that co. and the cj co with cc, brendan, joel, lun, ash, sentdoux, thomas, julieus, bose, jon, majosh, paul and the rest which my goldfish memory can never contained.

from all the skating to clubbing and to gigs and just slacking and drinking. and from the baggy jeans to the skinny emo look. its revolves so much.

and i got to know much many more people just through my BMT moreover i still have 1 year and 8 more months till ord.

love doesnt ease its way to me like always.
restrains never seem to be there in all ways.
always pretending that i'll be just fine.
sorry but i have buried myself alive on the inside.

ADIO

2007-03-10T16:14:00.000+08:00

hellossss. back for another weekend but somehow it feels like just any other day whether in camp or not or maybe i am just use to THE ns life already somehow or rather. headed to town to meet ben and adam and went to play daytona. zzzzzz. ya i know we were bored and i wanted to play. hahaha. after that we heard gel and co were at lan lab so decided to head down there for dota and yeah it was good seeing all of them after all i havent seen them in quite a while especially ben and gel. moreover they were in thailand.

this week camp was good after all. got my drill, soc, ippt all over and done with finally. shacked but still already.

well am going out soon to meet my mother. i suppose i;m about to have a lavishing dinner i hope. it better be good since my bro's gf there as well. my mother better spend THE money needed. uh huh thats all i guess.

if you complain that i dont post as often and if you really didnt know. I BOOK OUT ONLY ON FRIDAY EVENING AND I GO BACK ON SUNDAY NIGHTS!!! which literally means i have only 1 and half days of free time a week duh. so 1 post a week IS alot already. =D

uh huh! i am BACK!

2007-03-03T00:46:00.000+08:00

hello everyone i am back!!! now with some photos of my squad mates and some others at least giving you all a clue what the fcuk i am doing inside and what kind of people i got with. so enjoy!

my pride!!!!!

this is yao ren, one month Lightduty award to him!

Wilson, he was sick while i took it. and he is LAZY!

Troy, he is forever only wearing his underwear walking around.

Terance, endurance man

raymond. his shoulders are huge and well he can lift me up easily.

Qing Xi the holy man he even sleeps in attention.

Jia qing, forever smiling while on the phone

Mark the Slacker forever the last one to fall in

Leslie, i think he likes to be rape by guys

Jon well he is attached though

Hong, he looks gay here but sorry he is pack with 16 tonnes of muscles

eric unlike hong he is packed with 16 tonnes of fats

de wei mrs maria

charles the one who beat a gurka in biathlon

our best past times, =D

well thats all i have the next time i will bring in the other half of my squad and some sceneries i guess. i will try uh huh. well for now,

let me rest in peace~

happy cny

2007-02-20T04:06:00.000+08:00

happy chinese year to all. today was good yesterday was good. nth fantastic though. today went to sze's house to gamble drink and all. won 100+ i think. hahha. the ever good luck in black jack never seems to fail me. after much compulsive gambling went on to tequila shots. drank till i was quite high and started talking and talking and talking non stop.

the same old ian cant stop talking once he is high. zzzzzzzzzz. ya its irritating by the way after some time. just like a bloody cock. tonight got to book in already. what life? actually there is none. so thats it. i even suck at dota as well. need to wake up my bloody idea soon.

somehow someway i feel like i'm living in a god damn dilemma. COCK!

not easy

2007-02-10T02:14:00.000+08:00

a taste on my week inside this week. hahahha. letsssss go
MONDAY- morning DRILL with regular squad, lesson after that all the way till lunch. MY OC nice one always say 15 min break in the end you can always add an hour to it. zzzzzz. slacker. get paid 4k a month to sleep. MOREOVER I DONT SEEM TO LEARNING ANYTHING!!!! nvm. most swee already, at night GOT police defensive tactics. all the way till 2130. best already man. i farted in class and i got pumped for that and i had to run round the dojo saying i am sorry. ya i know i am a drater. thanks.

TUESDAY-forgot what i had in the morning afternoon had lesson then its over i think. LOL. sleep.

WED- morning PT, shoik my knuckles bled again. manage to do 10 pull ups for that bastard. ya what now he want 12. after that lessons then half day leave because my FI wanna sleep. LOL.

thurs&FRI- GENG MC SONG BO barrack leave 2 days. whole day play PSP and talk to raymond. screwing around.

well thats as much as i can say.

for life....................................................................................
i'm wreck..............................................................................
nothing i do i seem to look forward to..............................
talking to people doesnt seem to help..............................
trying to be the funny guy doesnt....................................

i just feel really empty like everyday i wake up i see no reason. just like a blank bullet from the outside everything look fine and normal just like anyother bullet you wil see yet the inside being is empty. filled with nothing.

i really need to know what's that soon. real soon. before i really turn insane or cry.

can someone breathe air into me and give me an elixer to move on,
cause i am finding it harder each day to breathe out~

Memories

2007-01-02T17:02:00.000+08:00

i thank these people who made a difference in my life last year.

reuben, gel - thanks for everything, what am i going to do without you guys
chun hwee- the never ending times at night we crapped on everything
the cj pips to pips alf, ash o, jon, bose, bloong, thomas, ash s, edwin, chais, ryan, joel, and the rest for the ever injected fun you guess gave me.
louis and the rp people and lenne - the sense of ever jokes and lameness you guys brought
yu ru(eggy)- the chance to know you
nat, adam and sunsets- for the fun, the songs, the drinks.
my squad bunk mates- who always start the craze for everything we do inside and involving me in all the shit.thanks so much. we just have 3 more months.
thanks to all the peoplei actually forgot. LOL!

last but not least my mother who gave me all she could.

thats all i guess, booking in soon. chill yeah and latersss~

end of the old times

2006-12-31T11:22:00.000+08:00

sup sup sup!!!!! book out book out!!! NS has just been such a craze for me, people there are cool and when i book out, the accompany of my friends never seems to fail me always. last WEEK!! 1st actual book out, hmmm i went to meet gel and ben and alf and we went to sahara to smoke sisha and drink a bit of beer. just meant to chill out. hahaha. fun was of course around just that i was a bit tired but nonetheless it was great. some pictures!!
the wow, contispated and huh look. lol.

we are spasm camwhores

as brothers we shall walk together always. ian, ben,gel

nextttttt event!!! christmas midnight mass. how shiok was that, we went to ash church all dress up like it was prom. lol! everyone was really the SEX that day. lol. after that went to ash house and eat drink gamble. hahah. some pictures

lets smile for christmas. me alf ben

me alf ash, just a wrong move.

i told you we were spasm camwhores!!!

gel bloong me and alf. phone booth photo

hello i am not SELLING ANYTHING!

okays that all for last week book out. hahah. this week i book out on friday at 1830.
then it was heading to my cousins wedding at hotel, its mariott hotel i cant spell for nuts la so if its wrong dont blame me, after that i went to find sis and auntie at lido just to catch up thats all, followed by to ryan's house to PARTY but thanks to this idiot, i almost arrested that party wrecker. zzz. well after that at round hmmm 4 am we went to dota!! at lanlab for 4 hours all the way to 8am realising that i have to meet my grandma at 11 for lunch. went home bath so many people around and left the house. zzzzzzzzz. met my granny and ate lunch with her so that she will not worry so much about me. after that went to find ben at his house, had a nice talk at 6pm gel came over and we headed to town!!!! gel wanted to buy some plain t shirts from topman and had dinner there as well. hahah. headed to holland v to realise alf left for vivo already. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. so i headed to find chun at hougang mall where talk cork session always never ends. lol. finally after 43 hours of not sleeping i got home and knock out straight bloody away. was so tired. zzzzzz. -_-

its the end of the year end of everything this year. let a new year breathe into us new endeavours and opportunities and HAVE A GREAT YEAR AHEAD DUDEs and GIRLS.

ian says chill and laters =D

i am BACK on the 6TH day!

2006-12-17T16:31:00.000+08:00

6 days in home team academy and i am back. y? cause i am fcuking sick! fever, throat infection, cough, and a swollen knee!

YOU FUCKERS better train hard take your ippt! NOT FUNNY!

a slight glimpse of my schedule 530 wake up 600 physical training to 0830breakfast 0930 physical training to 1130 lunch 1500 physical training to 1730 then dinner and the day is over sHOIK BODOH!!!!

i cant bend my arms or anywhere actually! lol. pt is not really physical is more like training of a dog.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. the details i will tell you guys when we meet up! lol.

quite shiok. lol. estimation ok? 400 pushs ups, 200 jumping jack, 300 sit ups. and those are the easy ones. =D

i have seriously having so much fun. but todays pt super slack. why? cause some one ended in the fucking ambulance LOL! to the A&E! he got hypertension and panic attack then the field instuctor who took us for PT shocked!! you see that bang face of his. panicing like he just lost his balls. lol.

thanks to him hero! we get slack PT! anyway i booking in at 2100. sooooo i need go rest. not feeling too good. i miss you though but i dont think you will ever know. i miss you guys too!!!

laters to friday booking out at 1900! lets go SMOKE DRINK AND sorry i cannot go geylang at all. one of my rules. orchard towers also cannot. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

bye tills christmasssss!

2006-12-11T22:29:00.001+08:00

byebye all! i am gg into ns tmr at 8.30 in the morning! i'll see you all you guy very soon uh huh.

take care ben, i know you will find your ways for people to pei you.
take care gel, have fun working! dont over count my mother's income tax, thanks!
take care chun!!!!! you must lighten up!
clara have fun in thailand!
and to the cjc's all of you have fun man
take care lenne, smile!! your smile sparks a paint of more than a thousand words, so do what you do best! =D

and to the rest, laters~~~

Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

2006-12-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

wa lan eh. come home late kanna kp, come home early also. like wtf la. i going to NS in like 5 days, cant you like let me meet up with all my friends 1st. you all say i can book out what i also not going to die but the problem is also not SAY i CONFIRM CAN BOOK OUT WHAT. also NOT CONFIRM I WONT BE TIRED WILL BE FREE RIGHT. you want me mop the floor i mop. what you want me to do i do. I GO OUT CANNOT MEH! MOREOVER ALSO NOT EVERYDAY GO TO SOME HOUR! i COME HOME AT 11 MAN! COME ON LA! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

anyway i yearn to see you tmr

CLUB MOMO!!

2006-12-01T17:31:00.000+08:00

club momo wassssss great. nat treated me to some drinks as a birthday present to me. total i drank 7 tequila shots and 2 jugs of vodka sprite. omg omg omg. super high after that, then as usual i went on talking non stop. Zzzzz. and farhan keep disturbing me cause i was high. the night was carried out only with me adam, nat, bio, bio's gf, dams 2 friends and fawas i think. farhan cannot come in as he was underage so raza stay with him also. Zzzzzzz. ben left to god knows where. but i still to get a shot of pictures with many many people. oh ya i think i was about to get drunk when i was taking the pic with everyone. and ya everyone!!!!

this was the shirt i wore there. haha. sorry fawas

me, fawas and nat

me and farhan

me and errrr DAMN i am forgot! adam's friend though
me and suria

me and bio, i keep thinking if its rio or bio cause i never hear right

me and nat, ya i know i look fcuking wasted for all the photos, I WAS!

me and adam representative of his family

yup! and after that we went to liang court for some macdonalds which i didnt feel like eating. i kept talking again. LOL! me the non stop machine for talking. LOL! well i had fun thanks to all of you.
laters~

2006-11-30T17:50:00.000+08:00

finally my heart has that feel to have feelings again, yet i know it will get broken. i walked in, in the wrong time and wrong girl.

you know for a long time, finally i found her to be my perfect one. THE one. somehow i know she is the one. nows not the right time though. yeah i know long. that girl i would do anything for. clara said what if i have to wash all the dirty panties in the world. somehow there wasn't thought into it but a yes. cause i know, one day i will wash finish all of them and one day i will get together with her. she means alot. though she isnt open. i guess i have to wait. thats my niche isnt it ben. she is really the one!!!!

but i know it will be alright cause its never too late. -by Three days Grace/never too late

2006-11-29T15:28:00.000+08:00

yesterday was too tight, time was too tight i mean. hahha. ran here and there like little idiots rushing for class. Zzzz. from far east plaza got my thrice shirt, just a random shirt i thought that was nice. I STILL MY CHEESY SHIRT! like seriously =[. i want that shirt badly. hmmmm yesterday was good though, some dota with many many people. hahaha. there was, veen, nigel,joel,gel,ash,thomas,ash s, ash, cc, brendon, bose, lester, marcus, john and a few others. hahaha.

after that i went down to serangoon gardens with ash to find gabriel and han, there talk crap again at RK, till round 2 before i got home and watch tv again. LOL! its like i am telling myself everyday, every min at home i cant waste it on sleep, cause sleep is wasting life. b ut i still sleep till the afternoon hours of the day like a bloody idiot. well, NS is coming, what to do, confinement 6 weeks. happy new year ian.

listening: lifehouse/blind

happy birthday ian

2006-11-28T00:43:00.000+08:00

I AM 19!!!! woohoo. happy happy, kind of happy. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. so many things has happened. the most sickening part would be 14 more days to police training. will be in for 6 weeks. Zzzzzzzzzz.
god bless me. LOL!

today was goooood. was at errr marina steamboat thingy with ben, gel, clara, adam, ash, chun and me. hahaha. had a good simple dinner together talking thrash and all. hahahah.

ben no need worry. you got REC policeman here.LOL! dont worry so much dude.

well thanks for everyone wishes. it really means alot.

laters~

senses fail senses fail!!!!!!

updatessssss

2006-11-24T17:09:00.000+08:00

HELLO EVERYONE! IAN TAN IS GOING TO BLOG! lol. been a long time since i actually blogged. hahaha just 18 more days when ian officially turns into the most corrupted cop singapore has ever encountered. LOL!

okok 18 days, many things to do and i know not all are going to be done but well. yesterday was good even though not much drinks the whole night of MOS was really good. For the 1st time many many people. i really wonder like wow suddenly i go to a place i realise how many people i actually know. it really does make me happy that i got so many people round me. went there like 9.45 and got into mos 1st but came out cause brendon and all wasnt there yet, then i saw KENT! lol. we were suppose to meet one day to drink and that day we did somehow or rather. hahah.

well as usual gel was high again, scolding everyone he knows. LOL. many drinks though, whiskey dry, tequila shots, barcadi breezers and many vodka sprites thanks to nat. LOL! a table of us, there was like ash, gel, ben, clara, brendon, dalun, manoob, ash2 sis andher friend, reth, lewis, john and many many people. good night fun night. hahah. just one of the 1st parties before enlistment. OKOK ! heres the bloody list of things i wanna do:::::

1)dinner with gel and ben only- done!
2)meet up with auntie jess- DONE!
3)pool!!! - DONE!
4)mos - DONE!
5)bowling bowling!!!!!!!
6)my BIRTHDAY!
7) CLUB MOMO
8)ZOUK OUT~
9)going to church
10)meeting up with kent and guys
11)meeting up with eddy and guys
12)meeting up with melvin tp
13)meeting up with eunice and all the dudes for dinner
14)just one jam session and please let me sing
15)meeting up with sweet jo
16)meeting with ben, chun and all rps
17)meeting up with my mother and brother for family bonding
18)staying home with my aunt and uncle
19)visiting my little sisters
20)visiting my grandparents all of them
21)seeing that she is good =D

thats all for right now not much but for 18days ITS MANY MUCH!
ok for now i can describe my self easily.
listen to: senses fail/can't be saved

Friendship or Friendshit?

2006-10-21T16:44:00.001+08:00

lol. just like any other day, left out of everything, dont know anything. just staying at home thinking yeah maybe your friend might ask you out realising the straight fact that you dont have really a true friend.

you start thinking, thinking and pondering. is it all so true.
they wont know how you feel, cause they are not you. did they ever regard you as you?
i also feel so left out but they parry it anyway. they think i am acting. they take me for granted.
when all i wanted was really friends, true to me taking me the way i am.

must i be cool, handsome, attractive, a good singer, dancer, or whatever good positives things that you guys might have so that i can actually be your friend huh? i know i aint the above, but so many years, cant i be treated as just a friend?

have you all thought when you needed help i tried my very best, those things you all just make it as come on your bro in trouble must help him. LOL! i helped but your thank you meant nothing. i am treated as a friend when i have money. I AINT YOUR FUCKING ATM!

all i needed was to be treated as your friend but fuck it, i know i never was and will never be.

so friendship or friendshit?

2006-09-25T23:23:00.001+08:00

work work work work and more work. the smell of united square has lingered on me already!!!
its sucks and its totally boring. well thats life without parents i guess. in my shop today i just realise so manys things that had have has happen. HAHA! its eccentric but through.

was thinking if gel they all will come to united to study and well what you know only, they actually did. first came bloong who wants to clean elephant's shit for $10/hr, fuck that's like super high la moreover given the mutant ability to be unable to smell is soooo much easier. OH MY`GOD!!! work ended at 7pm. met bloong, gel, ash and then we headed to bose's place to watch singapore idol.

bose and his one and only mushroom hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well his dog is horny too. come in head for alex already. LOL! hmmm singapore is crap other than electrico most probably. cause all of them dont sound that great, the host talks about a huge crowd( which is actually 9000 people).

then bose gel were like competing on the phone game on like a puzzle thing and i didnt really know what was happening and then we left already. smoked and left.

fuck boy i was with ash on the 132 bus to serangoon where supposely i was to change bus to take home. on 7 bus stops i think the bus stalled and then almost couldnt move. omg PM you want more money for the transport at least make it better man, give these kind of shit to us and expect us to pay more. -___________________-

listening to: my own farting and blurping

great day i supoose

2006-09-25T23:23:00.000+08:00

odel odel

2006-06-20T01:49:00.000+08:00

sistha this is your update you longgggggggg awaited yeah. hahahha. i'm doing alright here la. nth special still the same other than there's soccer now and i hang out with gel and ben they all more often to watch soccer together.

other than that i'm currently fucking broke and damn sick. coughing and coughing and coughing and the flu is getting to me and i still have to work. how fuck up is that. HAHA! been sick like i dont remember even how long already. i think i'm just dying.

though that something that was a real miracle was that i actually went for my church camp. shocking but true. i dont know why i was there too but i just was. ahahahha.

ok i'll update you soon again yeah. you take care ast melbourne, if its cold wear more stuff or what ever you call it oh winter clothing yeah. take care lots, from your botak bro.

laterS~

ian conveys uselessness

2006-05-27T02:31:00.001+08:00

there are guys who were willing to do 100 push ups for you, help you in each and every way. somehow i love you but i dont think i'm worthy, i'm useless downright dumb. not sweet anymore. just rubbish.

if you want you can dump me anytime. i'm already worst than rubbish. i get jealous easily. i'm cant bring smiles to you. your friends and their sweet movements do. i'm just a third party.

ya

2006-05-21T03:04:00.000+08:00

another guy on your pic on msn. how does make me feel? you tell people i'm your bf. you put another guy's photo. this makes me feel WOW SO FUCKING GOOD. moreover the irony of you asking me IF he was HANDSOME. WTF. fuck boy thats like the limit already. i might as well just fuck off and be dead. i'm not even being bothered. i was like any other person. just a useless guy. then when i put her photo on you make noise. hello so you know how i feel yet you did change the photo yeah you did to another guy and you ask me the same question. FUCK OFF MAN. seriously. i just didnt wanted to blow off right there but its really too much. you could even laugh and ask me if he was handsome. OH MY FUCKING GOD AMEN MAN.

screw myself im useless.

laters

hmmm

2006-05-12T17:37:00.000+08:00

hmmm sorry, i think my heart is broken too much. it hurts too much when you just disappear 2 times in just 2 days. phone didnt hear, welll yeah but isnt there a yearn when you will feel like msging me 1st other than i always be the 1st one everyday. dont you even think about me that i dont msg you in thw morning that you will check your phone once in a while to see if i have call.

sorry my heart is broken..... i thought it wont happen again but it just did. sometimes i just want you to care more. one msg from you 1st seems heartfelt.

conceptions mislead

2006-05-10T17:05:00.001+08:00

conceptions mislead

2006-05-10T17:05:00.000+08:00

things to do before army

2006-04-22T01:51:00.000+08:00

hmmm many things to be done many many,

listing listing
-a nice memorable present for my sister odel before she flies away, =[
-a present for jas
- boxers for gel and ben cause for their birthdays apparently too long already
-my ipod nano
-new green/brown shoes
-many MANY T-ShirtS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-go back to church
-a chalet with my buddies in a drink then we crack session
-play dota WITH ALL OF US
-meet up more with jas
-meet up with jocelyn(my sweet friend) a nice rose,charissa(my missing good friend) a cup,samantha(long time no see church buddy) hmm this one is hard,samuel(best friends for 9 years but missing in action currently, i mean me not him)hmm i still thinking
-JAM IN CHURCH WITH WEN YONG

the rest i'll just think about it and add in

=]=]=]=]

many facts

2006-04-12T00:13:00.000+08:00

hmm alright seems long since i update well here goes.

on the way to hougang mrt to meet jasmine at orchard, i was on the bus 325, while i was it while it was turning into the interchange part or where ever was that, i noticed something that tickled me and yet quite true to the nature of humanity now. on a jeep there were 2 stickers that distinguished from the rest, the 2 that caught the eye of my attention. one stated "Take revenge, shit back on a pigeon" and "wife and cat missing, reward for cat $100", i laughed at the sight of it. but it seems true also if you notice the news heading around you though not saying that it literally is happening like that but something close i guess.

next fact!!!
according to sciencist and what i heard on the news and radio, they went, do you have a bookshelf in your bathroom or rather books for you to "enjoy" while your nature calls? many people tend to have the habit of reading while passing motion as also know of their way of diverting their attention to i also don't really know what actually. haha. but according to sciencist, this habit happens to be not very good, not concerning while passing motion can actually cause rectum cancer or disorder. though i have no idea what the hell it will be but the word cancer is even to illustrate what it means i guess, so NO reading while shitting. concentrate on shitting and stop doing other things or well things happen i would like to say. =]

listening to: metallica/unforgiven

=[[[[[[

2006-04-06T00:21:00.000+08:00

even i cannot be the source to kill the sense of boredom in you.

tell me what can

=[

2006-04-05T01:40:00.000+08:00

i just need you in every and single way.

for what i thought i was pressured to have isn't that of an importance compared to you because i need you more.

listening to: paparoach/scars

confession of a sad mother fucker

2006-04-03T23:45:00.000+08:00

life is great these days cause i found someone i loved, jas.

how i realise how not perfect i'm in not only various but uncountable ways. i can't be the one who can afford fancy diners every date, i cant be the person who can drive you around while you shop, i cant be the one who cant do really many things of what many can.

what i can be is just to pour out all i have for you and holding you tight and giving the best of me. i may be nosensical most of the time, making totally no sense at it being a big irritating fucker and bastard, i dont know why, is that just me? often i ponder upon wanting to love you every moment but i still become what i just named upon myself.

so its not a big fuck that i can get a distinction in my eng, so that cannot make a difference among us. what i can feel now and what i know now, all i can afford and yet all i can do is to love you and hold you tight. even on the hardiest time of your life you only see on footprint on that ground of sand because that's when i will be carrying you.

------

my DISC test reminds me of my greatest weakest in life would be rejection, knowing that really make me realise that i really do either get my heart broken, self esteem drown, emotionally sad. but these days rejections became like a daily routine in my life before i knew you and somehow i got use to it, and i dont dare to do many thing as in really many, i'm afraid each time i try something i fail again.

i'm afraid, petrified. i got use to it by not trying anymore, i dont give my best in stuff already cause i assume i will just fail.

------

i wont wanna fail with you, for simply i'm loving one that loves me too. that connection and great attraction makes me astound at my feet.

------

let's stay together
thru alpha and omega
when nothing will make us more true
in the deepest and darkest time
let's shine thru and stay together.

------

listening to: collide/howie day

3 things

2006-03-28T22:37:00.000+08:00

3 things that made and destroy my day.

destroy
-alone
-lonely
-lonesome

made
-you(at least you still care to call and thats enough)
-odel
-buddies

hmm dota is just something to still get in touch with my friends and it sometimes helps kill the boredom when you aint there for hours.=[ understand k? =[

=]

2006-03-26T23:35:00.000+08:00

its good to know.

every word you said, everything you've done.

holding you every little moment counts deep down.

am loved

am loving.

2006-03-26T01:57:00.000+08:00

some secrets lies beneath the deepest part in our lifes, something that you will never say anything to other people.

well i have mine too.

yup i like it when you tell me that you love me and everything that was sweet but i also need to feel it in person.

maybe i'm still not good enough.

many people stare at me or rather my hair not because i'm handsome or whatever, its just because its irritating and they find it a nuisance.

utter trust

2006-03-21T22:31:00.000+08:00

yes my dear sis.

well i have a useless life with no good friends. =]

thanks

2006-03-16T22:26:00.000+08:00

i just remember that i wanted to post about this. its a sweet thing definately. =] oh ya, Sf bbq was great we ran around like mad dogs looking for food to play the chain game. whahah. well at first i thot none of my friends were coming and i assumed it. but well at 7, jas replyed me. moreover the bbq ends at 9.30 and i have to be home like at 10.30 so i didnt really thot she was coming already and she lives in bishan oh god and the bbq was at pasir ris. but she told me she was coming. shock? yeah you bet. her father sent her down all the way to east coast and we talk and talk and talk. and it was just for that 3 hours. thats really sweet. thanks. :D

listening: noots/sum41

1+1=2

2006-03-14T00:21:00.000+08:00

okay, everyone lets apprehend the fact that adults who are aged 50 and above know nothing about us, teenagers. first and foremost, they never ever fail to think their always right in every and many areas. no matter what you are wrong.

okay lets move on with another thought of my provoked and insane mind, adults never fail to think in only one direction. lets instill a scenerio into this, adults think only 1+1=1 and no other explanations can prove them wrong while we also preceived that there's another way of 1/1=1 as well. see adults dont look 2 ways. one side and thats it. HELLO, you say that you are going to win TOTO today does it neccessarily mean you will win it. no duh, same rules applys to us.

they never seem to fail me in these kind of aspect though. kind of amazing that they will just be like that and change seem to fear them.

they always yak about not comparing you to your brother, but in my case they only thing they can say so that my bro will ultimately be the one in the greater advantage will be "cause he can study", please my dear "mature" adults, if thats comparison maybe your son or nephew here can purchase a certain OXFORD DICTIONARY for you to look at the in depth meaning to that word.

you then say you love us equally but then you say you can blame one for adoring one more because of affliation. moreover and you said i lied. take a mirror take a look at yourself and start readapt what you just said and reflect. and after you do and start crying well a teenager like me wont mind comforting an adult.

oh ya, i got fucking A2 for my eng, thats why my symbalisation makes you flabbercasted at your feet. or maybe this may just turn to the next holocaust in the family.

oh ya out of the topic, i'm getting to like jasmine flowers more, guess why? :P

suicidal

2006-03-08T21:36:00.000+08:00

you really want to trust someone really really much. but i really dont know how when i'm just dip into cold and hot water in and in again. the feelings gets good then it felt like shit again the next min.

i really dont want like stay in this world already but if it's not for that message from you, i will be hell long dead.

resolutions of year 2006
-quit smoking (done)
-study hard for the new course
-go back to church
-start serving again
-a for real relationship with...

2006-03-08T21:35:00.000+08:00

you can only be jealous if you like someone

religionical problem

2006-03-04T18:44:00.000+08:00

i was thinking its like you were born as a buddist, became a christian when you are at your puberty age and you are you are like so naive suring then, you parents may or may not object it. you are astonish by it. you become part of it and you think you found yourself some new friends. good friends in fact and yet every sunday you greatly look forward in meeting them. sharing about how the week had been and everything that clicks into a conversation in your group. and yet each time there felt like a different experience and yet everyone had the same belief and the yearn of god.

you feel as if you are part of a family, god's family and each week you raise your voices up high to praise him in spirit and in truth, each church retreat seemed to be looked forward more and more each time, heart yearn for hunger of god's word each week and then a suddenly incident draws you away from everything.

you dont believe anymore, you start to club, smoke, drink and waste your life like any other mother fucker would be doing. you start flirting around and you are succeeding in going after 3 girls at one time and you get the adrendaline rush out of it, you laugh at stupid jokes, you become insensible, you even dont give a shit about studies anymore. you have a girl that you have always loved for years but yet you go flirt around because she seems cold and you just fuck around life. you only think that you and your friends matter most. the rest are detest. and you just dont care.

well i wish i can have my 1st part of my life back. so that the girl i love would be right by my side.

where are you when i need you.

listening to: wake up/three day grace

matching

2006-03-03T23:36:00.000+08:00

watch beauty and the geek? i realise i'm match with the beauty and the SHIT= meaning me. duh.

lets all get the blues

2006-03-03T23:29:00.000+08:00

you ever know how it stinks to tell someone you love her and yet response tentatively doesnt come back. but yet you know you will carry on liking her no matter what.

few days back, when i saw you how i wish i could hug cause in those situations i get tongue tied. but is it ever possible.

ann kok wants our poly class to go over to his place so he could cook for us. that guy never ever seize to amaze me. talks crap more than me yet a great friend.

i really dont know what to say actually.

woohoo

2006-02-26T02:41:00.000+08:00

great great day today!!!!!!!!! i met up with gel, wong, reth, josh today and we thrash this bunch of red headed ang mohs in dota today. ian's chen with 7 ursa warriors and 1 hellcaller running around. LOL! total ownage. then we met joel and ben then we drank at bishan park playing some games to it. i won the music game where we had to come out with song names without repeating the artist. darn cool. ahahaha. then of course i headed home. hahaha.

hmm that day i met up with ben at amk for some dota. it was friday and it was so obvious. friday equals to mos day for malays. i realise they are so different from indians. i was once trapped in farrer park there which is the owning area of indians it stinks there and i was trapped there for 2 hours after sending joc home from a movie but i realise something malays are worst. indians all smell the same but fuck many malays walked past me at amk that day cause the mos was there and each and every one of them smell differently man! each with distinct smelliness, can you imagine many of them each walking pass you for that fucking 10 min. OHMYGOD!!!!!!!!

oh ya no offence =]

listening to:goodbye to you/ the used

trying

2006-02-26T02:39:00.000+08:00

it will be good to know if i still have you by my side. =]

JOoOoO

2006-02-23T01:08:00.000+08:00

look at that pretty girl smiling. oh dear, she's my pretty friend called, jo. ok i'm typing like this is going to become some sort of fairy tale. oh well, how i know her, hmm bizzare, dont ask. let just say if you know me i talk a lot as in alot alot so there was this time in this camp where i was there and we got to know thanks to my talking. OK the talking doesnt refer to flirting. well jo is the only person i still kind of contact from the camp. well bizarre happenings of course continued as normal things dont other than the routine that people have daily of course like duh. she's like so darn sweet ya. she's very gregarious in nature, speaking her way into any conversation. hmmm this is like so going to be a personality report. LOL. like i said talking about yourself everyday on your blog is BORING! so i talked on people who may in my life that spark. =] she's like so great to talk with. hhahahahahha. and yes i love her. whahahahah. and yes that's my great friends jo and till date she's the 2nd person i blogged about. =]

listening to:avenged sevenfold/bat country

its not time i want to lose again

2006-02-21T00:30:00.000+08:00

i dont wanna be an idiot and just go another gurl and forget you. you are simply unforgetable. i'm sure i can wait, i have waited so long. what's one day after another. =]

church

2006-02-20T00:43:00.000+08:00

church was good. somehow i manage to get out of bed and made it in time for it. it was enjoyable especially seeing the big grow in SF. i was like wow. many many people. and everything pretty much change so much. aaron is in the army and there are small little kids round. and i just realise the new batch of SSFers are in and they are actually like 4? years younger than my batch. oh dear, we are seriously aging like no bothers business and to come to think of it that we ysed to be the youngest inside. Moses, Sam, Jon and myself went to the coffeeshop for lunch and it was all good. good clean talk and much catching up done. it was fun!!! hahaha.

we talk about the past as well, as about how we were and everything. never had such talks in such a long time. during service received a msg from a special someone. and realising that she was in church as well. to know that is great. and that really made my day. oh ya sorry i got back to you so late. =[

yeah that's all i guess. =]

oh dear.....

2006-02-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

oh dear oh dear i can't believe i almost cried listening to forever by hillsong. somehow or rather while listening to avenged sevenfold i switched to a christian song. i dont know why but i did. hmmm yeah the last time ian would have his heart melted and his eyes full of tears at any christian. he wont even mind doing anything to worship god.

the current ian is so fucked up i guess. does everything but god. thats quite sad. but well who cares. hahaha.

oh ya IAN LOVES REJECTION and its supposed to be his weakness in his character based thing, but well i used to be until being dealing with it so many mutiple times well it doesnt makes a difference well i guess if someone says yes it will be just great!

listening to: forever/ hillsong

a song to you

2006-02-13T00:41:00.000+08:00

i couldn't make you see it
that i loved you more
then will you ever know

listening to:bat country/avenged sevenfold

2006-02-11T23:26:00.000+08:00

you mean a lot to me.

listening to:the blowers daughter/damien rice

365 days

2006-02-11T00:30:00.000+08:00

yeah since we can't meet on sunday. well there's still so many other days to meet. but realising the fact that missing you is heartfelt pain. and i never know when i'll just drop dead.

listening to:on my own/ the used

she's busy

2006-02-09T20:31:00.000+08:00

today i saw her right along a road on a path and i caught a glimpse of her and yet when the bus moved away i started missing her and yet the urge of messaging her but yet afraid of deep rejection again. :'(

listening to:broken wings/alterbridge

tattoo, makes or breaks

2006-02-06T21:33:00.000+08:00

tatoos? that's ben's 1st which is on his right arm. hahahahah. tribal.
tatoos to me are only define in 2 ways. fear and fantasy. fear of pain and fantasy of the pleasure of the art on your body. people have different perspective but i'm alright with it. hahahaha

and thats the one on his leg. hahahah.

and that's us wait for dear duffering dam while he continues to connect his tatoo. hahahahaha. great day.

listening to:downtomylast/alterbridge

woohoo!

2006-02-05T22:58:00.000+08:00

got a woahhhhhh crowd reaction when i entered the premises of the 2nd floor of church where all was gathered before cny visitation. shocking! flabbergasted! astound!

know how it felt? it just felt warmed and great. many happy cny wishes from many people. saw everyone and realise i miss them. so like me i went talking talking and talking. lucky enough that i still have my old self of making a click od conversation fast still and have not grown quiet.

went round to people houses and even some that i didnt know. wow and i just realise the NEW sunday school transfers are too as well. wow they are like 6 bloody years younger than me and moreover i just realise something. roger batch had 5 guys,him, louis,chai heng,shao and shaun foo and in my batch there's five too, me,jon,sam,thng and danny and we were 5 years apart in terms of age and now realising that there's a batch of 5 guys as well 4 year younger than us moreover with similar characteristics. i just hope one doesn't come out screwed up like me. God bless him seriously.

after that i went to cut my hair with ben and gel before heading home to realise a great feast awaits me again. hahahaha.

let sunday be the valentine's day for both of us alright?

listening to:smack my ass/puddleofmud

church?

2006-02-04T22:38:00.000+08:00

oh dear oh dear. today i met my OLD and i mean really old church friend, diana. LOL! and we talk about i think everything. hahhahaha. realising the fact that in church we hardly even talk but as time resolutes wow it changes everything. maybe i matured? i dont know. suddenly we talk on the terms of the same side and its rather astonishing for me. i'm going to church tommorow not because i can get more red packets cause its cny visitation but i realise i'm missing the love and just the warmth of church friends already. how we really excited for every service and every event in church. how very thing that touched us when it was spark of a miracle of god. shockingly i realise i need god more than ever.

count the blessings, in church i found incredible buddies and as well as the warmth of it all. the family bonds that ties each one of us together. people change no doubt about that but is that really an excuse or a bigger excuse just cause all your buddies aint that anymore and you just lost all your motivation. this isn't a pure fact for a fact is determined by scientific reasons but for this, it's just an opinion. it's how you perceive it. well i'm heading for church tommorow no matter what. even if i have to be late.

and i just realise someone is damn cute. :)

listening to: trashed&scattered/avenged sevenfold <--- great song

craps and farts

2006-02-04T00:15:00.000+08:00

today was out with ben, josh and odel and later gel came along for dota. hmmm i never realise this but ben has a emo button right on his left nipple. every time he presses it, he goes "i'm fat, ugly and no one likes me." LOL! that's really crap!!!!!!

we all laughed like pure idiots.

beer has lost his appeal to me already ever seen the overdose of alcohol on my bro's 21st birthday.

now i really need a valentine's day date and seriously and i'm not lying shi ying, you were the 1st to came to my mind mostly cause last year i had a great one with you but i guess things didn't really worked out but i will try harder this year, i promise.

listening to:mudshovel/staind

if

2006-02-03T01:15:00.000+08:00

if i was a bad guy then each time when my friends get into trouble and tell me about it, i won't be the first to react but i always was the 1st and that's sad.

i want an ipod

listening to:scars/paparoach

articulations

2006-02-01T20:10:00.000+08:00

blogging turns boring because all you ever do is just talk about yourself every single bloody day.thats why from now on, i'm going to other people, whoever that made that spark in my life.
first, i'm going to talk on odel, the greatest and bestest sister i have.odel hmmmm she very gregarious in nature and very sociable with everyone no matter who youare. though she might me younger than me, sometimes the advices that she gives makes me flabbergastedand makes me wonder why i didn't think of that. hahaha. and thats a fact not an opinion alright.i was suppose to write 1000 words but how could i describe such a great person in just that?it may even be insulting for its like saying to the person, "hey you are worth 1000 words",man that's awful.

it makes me sad to realise that she is leaving for god knows which country soon and just makesme want to spend more time with her. somethings you only cherish when you are about to loseit and that makes me feel like an idiot.
sis good luck for o's man!!!!!! and i love you!!! woohoo.

listening to:blind/lifehouse

=]

2006-01-30T02:09:00.000+08:00

CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!! woohoo. happy chinese new year all. to hmm let's see:
-ben( best frens for bloody 6 years)
-gel(the craziest bassist ever)
-wong(in taiwan)
-glen boy( for all his crap)
-gen(for being a bible)
-jareth( for money? LOL)
-josh(5 years?)
-odel(best sis ever!!!!!)
-jess(best auntie ever!!!!)
-kiat( dota king)
-dam(dota queen)

ya and the rest of you who know me!! hahahaa.

great freaking day today. went to catch fearless all of a sudden with odel, jess, (<--cousin),gel and josh. darn good movie!!! better than the mother fucking geisha crap. hahahaha.

concluded that ian will never have a gf soon cause i just got ignored again. well that's life and i have to face the fucking fact and that's it simply but well i still have those people above and its enough i guess. well take care all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

listening to: the used/noise and kisses

good food!!!!

2006-01-27T22:53:00.000+08:00

woohoo!!!!!!! today i went to lei's garden(just one of singapore's top restaurants) to have my reunion dinner with my mother's side. GREAT food i tell you. lets see the menu there was:
-shark's fin
-abalone
-lobster
-scallop
-sucking pig

thats all i can remember but when it tasted GREAT. awesomely great. i overheard the bill also it was errrrrrrr 900+ bucks for a table of 10 in a private room. WTF!!!!!! thats 3 months my allowance la. oh dear. well it was good though then i sat my step father's bmw 525 home. whahahahahaha. good great.

listening to: broken wings/alterbridge

...............

2006-01-25T20:18:00.000+08:00

today i was thinking suddenly on the word happiness. woa and i realise how all my friends around me are actually getting what they want in their life already in terms of relationship if you know what i mean.

to say i'm happy for each and everyone of those mother fuckers i had great fun with. thinking and thinking i'm happy for everyone yet for myself i keep thinking of the fact that i aint happy. happy is such a deep word just 5 letters and yet do you really know it feels like? emotions are say to express one's feeling but yet sometimes people can somehow fake it and why do people do it?

i guess it's so that the people round him won't feel sadness but he is just trying so hard to believe that as long his friends are happy so is he.

is that guy really great or pathetic? 2 ways to think about it.

when a guy likes a gurl and she turns from hot to cold in a flash and makes a guy wonder what the hell in the fraeking god damn world he did wrong. he thots she likes him and wants to ask her but she turns cold again and the guy just stood there and died.

is that guy me? well if you know me then you'll know.

listening to: scars/paparoach

hmmmmm

2006-01-24T20:09:00.000+08:00

well today finally i got new phone. motorola V3 yeah it looks damn good. hahaha. moreover my brother wants that phone and i got it 1st. whahahahaha. ownage.

okay thats all folks.

listening to: sum 41/heart attack

useless idiot

2006-01-23T22:47:00.000+08:00

how do you actually define a useless idiot? thats pretty easy actually, just type the letters ,i ,a,n
and you'll just get it.

A fucking IT sch student not knowing how to even do up this bloody blog properly to spam all
his bloody thoughts in. how more fuck up can it get. i have to idea actually. My cousin had to help me do it instead and she asked me, "you don't know meh?, you in IT sch leh". I'm like too fucking embarrass to even reply just kept quiet as that thought of hers will slowly be gone.

what an good to bad day. won mahjong today like 30+ bucks. woohoo. Suddenly luck just feels reinstored into ian. becoming to believe what i saw from the feng shui thing is coming true. A new year, new luck coming. woohoooo. alright stop it for now. later~~~